Category Archives: As I see it

Happy Father’s Day

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Today we are celebrating two things at the blog – my 100th post and Father’s day.  While the 100th post is a great milestone to commemorate, today I’m going to focus on my dearest daddy.

Dad,

This life has been a wild ride hasn’t it? You tried your best to make me ready for it, providing everything from music, dance, and sports lessons, to reading Dale Carnegie at us over the dinner table.  As much as I carried on then, it planted the seed to want to read it and many other books for myself later.

There are so many things that you’ve given me over the years.  You’ve always been an example of hard work, heading off in a shirt and tie everyday to a job that was at times stressful and unrewarding.  Between you and mom I’ve developed that drive to work as well.

We spent lots of time practicing music together, and some of my fondest memories with you are playing side by side in quartets and ensembles.  It is because of you that I still want to learn enough piano to accompany simple songs.  One day I will. I still have all those lessons tucked away, waiting to be used. When life eases up a bit I want to find a group to play with once again.

I remember driving along and you quizzing us on the names of trees and flowers, hawthorn, maple, tulip, Bougainvillea. You still lecture me on the proper way to plant a dahlia every year without fail. I just hope that you don’t check my flower bed too closely this year – two of your bulbs didn’t come up as hoped.

Last but not least you’ve given me the confidence to hold my head high and take charge when needs be. There were so many times when we traveled that you would find friends that you recognized from functions you organized or attended. One day, I would like to have friends around the world as well.

Love you forever Dad!

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The Love/Hate Relationship with Summer

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Photo by Jeffry S.S.: https://www.pexels.com/photo/children-playing-joyfully-under-a-waterfall-33825275/

Summer vacation is just around the corner and while I’m looking forward to slower mornings and less structure, there’s a part of me that is starting to panic.  With year round schooling we have had several mini breaks throughout the year so it shouldn’t be a big deal, right? Well, no – but it is anyway.

Summer break is longer and for some reason there are higher expectations to fill it with a variety of fun and educational activities.  All of those activities take planning and guidance and endless driving around the city.

It’s not that I mind, I like the activities as much as my kids, and sometimes more.  What’s making me sweat is that unless I make a conscious daily effort, the chances of me making some real progress on my book during summer break, are slim.

I don’t like extra effort when I can avoid it.  It’s a personality flaw that one day I’ll get under control.  I always look for the easiest way to get from start to finish.  If the laundry needs folding, I’ll often wait until the kids are at school so I can listen to my favorite podcasts undisturbed while I work.  I could just as easily do it while they are scrambling around me, but why?

It’s the same with writing, although the need for focus is greater, where I wait until the kids are at school and the youngest is sleeping before I even bother to start. If it weren’t for my deadlines I would do the same for blogging.  I write this as my middle child is arguing with me about the fact that she has to get dressed before she can go outside.  Distracting? Heck yeah.  I might be strange and a bit lazy but I do have standards.

All this means is that it’s time to do some serious plotting and planning on the best and hopefully most economical way for everyone, myself included, to have a phenomenal summer.

 

 

 

 

Perfectionism Strikes Again!

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You’d think that I would have learned by now that Monday morning isn’t the best time to brainstorm ideas for a new post.  I’ve started three separate posts over the course of the morning, all of which will take more time than my self imposed deadline.  One needs a picture that I will have to go out and get, one needs a lot more fleshing out before it even begins to make sense, and one’s a rant that will probably never see the light of day but felt great writing and getting out of my system.

Which leaves us here with a post about why I’m not writing a better post. It’s like the Inception of blog posts.

Perfectionism is helpful is many ways, it pushes us to strive towards something better and greater than we have already done and teaches us more than we would if we choose to stay at our current level.

However, perfectionism can be very harmful as well.  I know of many authors who have a terrific book they’ve written but continue to edit and rewrite it because they are seeking a level of perfection that doesn’t exist.  I might be one of them… There comes a point when you have to admit to yourself when something is good enough to be released into the world.

Perfectionism also stalls creativity and action.  If we continually fear to do something because we know we can’t do it perfectly, then we will never start, or if we do start we will move forward at a crawl fearing that we might misstep along the way.  When this happens we stop enjoying working on the project because of the continual feeling that we might be doing something wrong.

Good news – pencils have erasers, there is a backspace button, almost everything cleans up with a little soap, and ouchies (both emotional and physical) will get better.

In the words of Yoda, “Do or do not, there is no try.”

Or Flylady, “Progress, not perfection.”

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What do you stall about doing because you fear you won’t do it right?

 

Daily Prompt – Worldly Encounters

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Today’s Daily Post Prompt asks bloggers about what book, movie, or song they would recommend to a friendly visiting extraterrestrial that explains what humans are all about. While I hesitate to speak on behalf of humanity, heaven knows what might happen should I choose incorrectly, I’ll have a go.

My recommendation: Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings

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While this seems an odd choice, allow me to explain myself.  To understand human nature, we must explore humanity in all it’s fullness.  In the Lord of the Rings we have characters that iconify different types of people.  There’s the reluctant and noble Aragorn, the arrogant Boromir, the megalomaniac Saruman, the humble and naïve Frodo, the manipulating Wormtongue, and the wise Wizard Gandalf to name a few.

Their quest is one that humanity has fought since time began, the epic battle of good verses evil.  Frodo and his fellowship are charged with destroying the One Ring, a tool of great power that is linked to the dark lord Sauron.  In their efforts to do so they encounter resistance that takes many forms.  Armies march against them, their own turn upon them, friends die, and they fall into states of hopelessness, fear, and reluctance.  Against the odds they continue time after time to sacrifice and sweat and bleed toward their goal.

The writing contains passages that encapsulate vistas of both breathtaking beauty, and astounding ugliness.  If anyone has managed to expound on the majesty of an impressive view, it’s Tolkien.  He also manages to capture our love/hate relationship with technology and industrialization.

People might argue that a fantasy novel can’t be used to explain humanity, but they haven’t considered that it is human nature to dream and imagine impossible realities.  Leaving out this fact would be to forget the most vital part of what it means to be human, which is to exercise our creative powers to make both the new and the wonderful.

 

A Thanks To My Mom

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Wow, where do I start?  After reading so many heartfelt Mother’s Day messages, so many caring gestures, where can my little two cents fit in? I guess here is a good as any place.

Mom,

After having kids of my own I’m coming to realize more everyday what a sacrifice it is to be a parent, and even more so to be a good one.  Even as I sit here with my girl on my lap it’s hard to understand what all those years of being there for me, caring for me, feeding me, dealing with my drama, and the thousand and one other things; really meant.

Honestly, I don’t know how you did it, especially if growing up I was anything like my kids are now. I don’t remember a single day where you weren’t dressed with your hair and makeup done before we headed off to school.  You always looked great, even when you felt crummy. One day I might get the hang of looking fabulous no matter what, like you. The lessons you’ve taught me over the years are in my head somewhere waiting for a chance to get out and be used and one day when I can manage to get my feet under me they will be.

As the years pass I value more and more the grace and poise I learned from you. It’s a rare thing to know that when needed I can rise to any occasion, no matter how fancy. That, and a tailored jacket always looks fabulous with the right jewelry.

I’ve also learned the importance of family dinners from you.  Even with all of your various projects and committees, and us, you managed to get a home cooked meal on the table every night and the whole family together to eat it. Although I haven’t quite gotten the hang of planning and cooking dinners like yours yet, I aspire to figure it out.

I could go on and on, and I want to, but Baby D and duty calls.

Mom, I love you and I always will.IMG_1129

 

 

When the past finds you

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This past week a friend of mine posted on Facebook one of those horrible school dance pictures where two young people are posed together and pretend to be thrilled to be together. This picture was no exception. It was my senior year and a junior friend asked me to go to the dance with him.  While we were good friends and had been in the school orchestra together for the past three years, we were definitely not in love with each other.

So, when it came time for the obligatory picture and he was asked to drape his arms around me, he did and I let him, for traditions sake. While the resulting picture isn’t bad there’s no denying the lack of chemistry going on between us. 10298919_10152418402308781_6745686781271152060_n

It didn’t help that my date got food poisoning earlier that evening and spent most of his time being miserable, so in addition to being awkwardly posed, he has the added greenish hue of a bad reaction to cheap pizza.

That was sixteen long years ago. It’s been years since I’ve even thought about that night. Seeing this picture brought back all the awkwardness of high school, the uncertainty, and the desire to do things the “right way.” It’s amazing how insecure I was as a teenager.

On Facebook people commented on how little I had changed over the years.  And on the outside it’s true, minus the few extra wrinkles, the few extra pounds, and shorter hair, I haven’t changed much at all.  On the inside it’s a different story.  I’m a completely different person now than I was then, and the change is for the better. All those trivial insecurities are gone and replaced with problems that actually matter. While don’t like my current trials, I wouldn’t go back to being my teenage me for anything.

Sometimes More is Better

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Technology surrounds today’s kids. There are TV’s and computers at home and iPods for everywhere else.  It’s too easy for parents to stick their kids in front of a screen to entertain them.  When playing video games kids are quiet, they are not running around, and they are not making messes. Some of the games are even educational. It seems like the perfect toy.

However, kids need to move their bodies.  Their brains are wired to need motion and active play to make important connections.  Playing video games doesn’t help with any of this.  Plus, kids need to play with other kids to learn social skills.  Video games don’t get angry and punch you if you do something to get on their nerves, other kids will.

At our house we’ve had a chronic epidemic of the game Minecraft. Every dinner time conversation, every free minute, and every playtime activity has revolved around the game. My kids were on the computer, MY computer, every minute they could to create and manipulate their miniature worlds.

Don’t get me wrong, Minecraft is a great game, it encourages creative thinking, spacial reasoning, and problem solving skills.  No one gets blown to bits in bloody combat and the goal isn’t violence.  It also, thankfully, doesn’t have really annoying background music that so many other games have.

But too much of anything is bad. Just ask my daughter who managed to eat over a pound of Easter candy yesterday.  Some years I ration the candy, this year I decided to let them discover exactly why eating too much candy isn’t a good thing.  Evil mom tactic? Heck yeah.

We definitely had too much Minecraft and screen time in general around the house.  The kids were getting increasingly crabby as the tentacles of addiction began to take hold. They physically craved their iPods and you could see the discomfort it caused when they had to be parted with them.  Before school iPod and TV had to stop because it caused too much drama and anger when I had to make them turn off and get ready to go.

Taking things away makes me the bad guy and I hate being the bad guy. So I came up with a brilliant strategy. I gave them lists of things that needed to be done before they would be allowed to play iPod.  Now, instead of saying that they can’t do something, I now can say, “Of course you can do it, when you finish your _____________.”

These lists are simple and have things on them that they already need to do.  They don’t take long and make it so I don’t have to nag. The morning list has things like brush teeth, do one chore, and make bed.  The after school list has things like do homework, and reading time.

My kids have already found one loophole.  Since they know I won’t force them to do their lists by a certain time on days where we don’t have things scheduled, they will engage in creative play with each other.  Eventually they’ll want to play their iPods and the list gets done but until then they go off and play on their own. This morning they’ve spent almost two hours playing mega blocks because they’re not ready to do their work.  There hasn’t been a word said about iPods and everyone is happy.

Which means I’m happy as well. I’ve been able to spend time on the things that I want to do, including writing this post. I don’t mind that my family room looks like a bomb hit, they are playing creatively and with each other and I didn’t have to ask for any of it!

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The wake of destruction left by happy kids. The bigger blocks are thankfully easier to clean up than Legos, and they don’t make you cry when you step on one.

Potential, Check.

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Yesterday, my family had a discussion about potential.  Strike that, yesterday I attempted to teach my kids about potential. Instead, I learned a lesson that I won’t soon forget. Never underestimate kids, they see things in different and unexpected ways.  They have the unique perspective of innocence and open-mindedness that an adult can’t match.

This isn’t saying that everything that flows from their mouths in that constant river of sound consists of rubies and emeralds.  It’s more like panning for gold.  Most of the dirt and sand is just dirt and sand, but every once in a while there will be a nugget of truth and enlightenment.

You see, I’ve created a new responsibility chart that will hopefully help my little ones take a more active role in caring for themselves and their surroundings.  There is a lot of work to do in this house and although I can do all of it, I don’t see why I shouldn’t share the load. They need to learn about the importance of work and the joy of having helped.   I also reason that if they help more with the clean up they will possibly think before leaving little messes everywhere.

IMG_2382I introduced the chart by talking about the word potential and asking if they knew what it meant. My eight year old son replied with the definition for potential energy (he’s the family physicist) and talked about how things at the tops of hills and those with more mass had greater potential or they could do more.

I asked him if he knew what it meant for a person to have potential and it confused him. Why would we be rolling people down hills?  He imagined that larger people would have greater potential energy than smaller ones.  By this reasoning Grandpa has more potential than anyone in the family.

My daughter added that Jesus has more potential than anyone, even Grandpa.  I’m still not sure how to reply to that one.  Yes, He has done great things and will continue to do great things and for that he has extraordinary potential. I admire her for thinking of it. Now I’m hoping she didn’t think of Him because we were talking about things being higher having greater potential than things that were lower. He is in heaven, that would be considered really high up.

I did my best to teach them about how when people have potential they have within them the ability to do great things.  By being better helpers and being more responsible with their time it would increase their potential and help them be even more awesome kids than they already are. While they aren’t thrilled about having daily chores, they aren’t putting up as big of a fight as they could have either.

As for you dear reader – remember that you too have great potential, especially if you are higher up, like at the top of a flight of stairs.  Oh, and you have it in you to do great things as well!

 

Counting Pennies

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For over a decade I’ve carried a heavy shoe box full of tubs of pennies from house to house. These were not my pennies, but my grandfathers that he had collected year after year.  In his top dresser drawer he kept an empty margarine tub, Fleishman’s soft, and at the end of every day he would empty his pockets.  I have no idea how long he collected these pennies and I’m not sure why either. I seem to remember it had something to do with us grand kids, maybe for a starter college fund, maybe just for fun.

The day finally came where I knew I needed to do something about the pennies. After living on backs of shelves and under beds and in other forgotten corners for years it was time for them to go. Just turning them in to the bank seemed wrong, these pennies represented years of collecting. They deserved more than that. To me they represent far more than material worth, there are memories locked in there.

Part of me wants to keep the pennies because they hold many of those memories of spending time with my grandfather.  Memories like the process of making popcorn with his air popper, using the heat to melt a huge chunk of butter on top, then pouring it all into a 5 gallon ice cream tub and putting the lid on and shaking it until the seeds all bounced toward the lip so they could be removed. I love buttered popcorn to this day.

Grandpa was a solid man, tall and proud.  If there was a project he wanted to finish or a skill he wanted to learn, he went out and invested his time and money to learn about it.  He was a photographer, a horse man, a book binder, a wood-carver, and probably much more beyond what I ever saw. I wasn’t around when he was pursuing many of his hobbies, in fact I don’t remember much about his hobbies than what my brother and I found in his basement when we came over for Sunday dinners and the adults wanted to talk.

There were the trophies for his horses and other animals, there were the books, he had a dark room – which for me and my brother was the coolest thing ever.  Deep in the unfinished part of the basement were the wood working tools and carefully labeled boxes of supplies. And then there were the pennies which he kept on the upper shelf of a closet.  Each time he would fill a margarine tub he’d tape it shut and put it with the rest.

Every day for the past few weeks I’ve spent time sorting through the pennies and separating the wheat pennies from those with the Lincoln memorial. The heavy shoe box is gone now, and so are the brittle and cracked tubs of Fleishman’s. Of the pennies only a small box remains of all the special ones, the wheat pennies, the all nickel ones, the ones that he had set aside in a yellowed envelope.  Those I will keep, if anything to relive the memories that I have.

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An Argument for Fantasy Fiction

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MV5BMTA1NDQ3NTcyOTNeQTJeQWpwZ15BbWU3MDA0MzA4MzE@._V1_SX640_SY720_ twilight poster_9I’ve run across several articles that argue that fantasy fiction does not have the same merit as the classics and therefore children should be discouraged from reading them.  They use examples such as the Hunger Games and the Twilight Series, comparing their worth against what they consider to be the true classics, like Jane Austen.

Their reasoning? Since fantasies are generally set in a parallel world and not the real world children will not be able to see the similarities in their own lives and therefore not be able to learn anything from reading them.  In their minds children need guidance and reading 19th century authors like Austen and George Eliot will give it to them.

The books that are going to do children the most good are the ones they are willing and hungry to read.  If a kid won’t read a book, any book, for whatever reason, perhaps the vocabulary is too antiquated, or they can’t identify with the characters or their problems; they won’t learn anything.  Even if they do struggle through a classic, and kudos to those who choose to, there is no promise that they will find any more solutions or guidance than they would have found reading any other book.

I’ve read my fair share of both 19th century classics, fantasy novels, and contemporary literature.  The books that influence me most are the ones where I can identify and find resonance with the story or the characters.

Let’s face it, today’s youth aren’t being raised in polite society.  The days of cotillion, formal dinners, and chaperoned activities are essentially gone.  The problems that today’s children face have changed as well.  Sure, there will always be the quest for popularity and the unending uncertainty of who likes who; but now there are lots of other, more sinister problems that our kids face.   The books that they prefer reading reflect this change.

This is where fantasy fiction can triumph.  By setting a story in a parallel world, the author is free to explore their character’s problems in a different and new way.  They are not limited by the confines of reality or society and therefore have more liberty to reach into the depths of a problem in a way that’s not feasible in standard literature.  Readers are then free to make parallels to their personal situations in the way that suits them best.

Will our children have to deal with sparkly vampires? No, but they might have to figure out how to handle a relationship with someone who is considered different.  

Will our children be forced to fight to the death in gladiatorial combat? We hope not, but they might be being forced into doing something that they know is wrong and need the courage to speak out.

Will our children have to go to space to fight an intergalactic war? Probably not, but they might have to fight against a bully and need to know that there are ways of winning.

Saying that today’s children cannot learn anything from reading fantasy books is absurd and narrow minded. If you ask me, they can learn just as much, or even more from fantasy because there are more possibilities for abstract connections between characters and problems that would be hard to find in literal fiction.  The nature of fantasy is to allow readers to question reality and view their own world in a new light.

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Here’s one of the articles that sparked this post:

Children need classics not Fantasy

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Let’s discuss!  Do you agree or disagree that children should be reading more of the classics for guidance?  What is your opinion on fantasy/speculative/contemporary novels?

Talk about it in the comments!