Sometimes More is Better

Technology surrounds today’s kids. There are TV’s and computers at home and iPods for everywhere else.  It’s too easy for parents to stick their kids in front of a screen to entertain them.  When playing video games kids are quiet, they are not running around, and they are not making messes. Some of the games are even educational. It seems like the perfect toy.

However, kids need to move their bodies.  Their brains are wired to need motion and active play to make important connections.  Playing video games doesn’t help with any of this.  Plus, kids need to play with other kids to learn social skills.  Video games don’t get angry and punch you if you do something to get on their nerves, other kids will.

At our house we’ve had a chronic epidemic of the game Minecraft. Every dinner time conversation, every free minute, and every playtime activity has revolved around the game. My kids were on the computer, MY computer, every minute they could to create and manipulate their miniature worlds.

Don’t get me wrong, Minecraft is a great game, it encourages creative thinking, spacial reasoning, and problem solving skills.  No one gets blown to bits in bloody combat and the goal isn’t violence.  It also, thankfully, doesn’t have really annoying background music that so many other games have.

But too much of anything is bad. Just ask my daughter who managed to eat over a pound of Easter candy yesterday.  Some years I ration the candy, this year I decided to let them discover exactly why eating too much candy isn’t a good thing.  Evil mom tactic? Heck yeah.

We definitely had too much Minecraft and screen time in general around the house.  The kids were getting increasingly crabby as the tentacles of addiction began to take hold. They physically craved their iPods and you could see the discomfort it caused when they had to be parted with them.  Before school iPod and TV had to stop because it caused too much drama and anger when I had to make them turn off and get ready to go.

Taking things away makes me the bad guy and I hate being the bad guy. So I came up with a brilliant strategy. I gave them lists of things that needed to be done before they would be allowed to play iPod.  Now, instead of saying that they can’t do something, I now can say, “Of course you can do it, when you finish your _____________.”

These lists are simple and have things on them that they already need to do.  They don’t take long and make it so I don’t have to nag. The morning list has things like brush teeth, do one chore, and make bed.  The after school list has things like do homework, and reading time.

My kids have already found one loophole.  Since they know I won’t force them to do their lists by a certain time on days where we don’t have things scheduled, they will engage in creative play with each other.  Eventually they’ll want to play their iPods and the list gets done but until then they go off and play on their own. This morning they’ve spent almost two hours playing mega blocks because they’re not ready to do their work.  There hasn’t been a word said about iPods and everyone is happy.

Which means I’m happy as well. I’ve been able to spend time on the things that I want to do, including writing this post. I don’t mind that my family room looks like a bomb hit, they are playing creatively and with each other and I didn’t have to ask for any of it!

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The wake of destruction left by happy kids. The bigger blocks are thankfully easier to clean up than Legos, and they don’t make you cry when you step on one.

Cleanliness Actually Can Make You Happier

Being the creative type means I sometimes often get distracted from taking care of the basics in my home.  When I go on a writing binge, or reading, or whatever I’m obsessing over at the moment and stop picking up my fairly clean house converts itself into chaos central.  Any unattended flat surface becomes a breeding ground for papers, toys, dust, books, and lost cups and forks.  When the house gets messy, I get crabby.

At first it’s hard to pin down why I’m starting to get more irritated.  It starts as a growing unease, an information overload.  There is too much to take in, too many little items calling for my attention.  Each item represents a choice; put away, throw away, file, deal with. Even though clutter has sapped my mood dozens of times before, it often takes days before I catch on to what’s happening.

Then there is the actual cleaning as well, the vacuuming, mopping, scrubbing, dishes, laundry, bathrooms, dusting, windows, and whatnot that eventually have to be addressed. Again, at first the slow accumulation of grime is hardly noticeable. But it is noticeable. And just like clutter and junk it, plays mind games with me.  Each spot is another entry on an unending list of things to do.

Now, if I lived alone I wouldn’t have anyone else to blame but myself. The house would still morph into clutter central, it would just take longer. In my case I have help, plenty of help. Three young kids have the magical ability to create mess just by breathing.  

As mommy it is my responsibility to teach these little ones to clean up after themselves, which can turn into a task much more exhausting and obnoxious than doing the cleaning myself.  They must learn that it’s more fun to play when there is a nice clear area to do it. When their rooms are clean they are happier.  So why is it like pulling teeth to get them to pick up anything?!?  It’s one of the great mysteries of life.

When I get off of a creative binge and start picking up and clearing off surfaces, it’s as refreshing as breathing fresh air after being stuck in a poorly ventilated subway car. While stuck in the car you don’t realize just how icky it is until you leave and get outside once again.  When things are clean, my mood lifts and so does the mood of my family.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t enjoy cleaning – there are dozens, if not hundreds, of things I’d rather be spending my time doing.  I’m not a psycho perfectionist either, I’ll only scrub baseboards and deep clean when things get bad enough to bother me. Often it takes the promise of listening to a good podcast while I work to get me moving.

In the end, although it can be a royal pain, if keeping things clean makes everyone happier it’s worth doing.  It doesn’t have to be perfect, just kept under control.

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Ahhh, look at those lovely clean surfaces!
Image courtesy of photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Holding on and Letting go

IMG_1624Hubby and I spent time this weekend cleaning out the vast graveyard that is our closet. It seems that whenever there isn’t an obvious home for something somewhere else in the house it ends up being shoved in the corners and on the upper shelves of our small walk in.  In time the habit of squirreling things away in there starts taking its toll and it’s time to purge.

For some things making a decision about whether they should stay or go is easy;  especially things that aren’t expressly mine like the old GPS, a boardgame, and a set of sheets that are no longer used.  Lots of broken, outdated, and useless things were sorted and dealt with without a second thought.

Then there are the other things that I don’t want to make decisions about, the things that had goals and dreams attached to them.  I’ve been meaning to craft a quiet book for my children as a special family gift, made with lots of love and thought.  The basket holding all the fabric, buttons, zippers and other odds and ends for this project has been sitting on top of the bin of off season clothes for the past year and a half, untouched.  I still want to finish it, but I struggle to find a bit of time where I can get out the sewing machine without being ambushed by curious children. Taking the bin to the basement makes me feel like a failure  and have given up.

The same feeling goes for the expensive running shoes that have been kicked around the floor for the past year.  At one time I had a dream to be a distance runner.  I trained and ran for about a year before the pain and injuries caught up to me. Turns out running might not be my thing.  Even though I’m ok with not being a runner, getting rid of the shoes has a finality to it that is hard to swallow.  

Things like these were the hardest things to make a decision on.  It is as if by saying it’s time to go I’m abandoning a dream, I’m giving up on something I’ve been excited about. There are things that are worth holding on to, the things that make us smile, the things that excite us.   These are the things we should surround ourselves with.  For everything else, it’s time to let go.