Jodi L. Milner is a writer, mandala enthusiast, and educator. Her epic fantasy novel, Stonebearer’s Betrayal, was published in November 2018 and rereleased in Jan 2020. She has been published in several anthologies. When not writing, she can be found folding children and feeding the laundry, occasionally in that order.
This week I heard an analogy that struck a chord with me about work life balance. The gist is that we are juggling several different elements of our life at any given time. These elements can include family, health, work, etc. All of these elements are important, but some are obviously far more important than others. Some of these balls we are juggling are made of rubber, but some are made of glass. Rubber balls can be dropped on occasion and not suffer for it. On the other hand, anytime a glass ball is dropped, you risk damaging or completely shattering it.
The original use of this analogy stems back to 1991 and the Georgia Tech commencement speech given by Brian Dyson. former CEO of Coca-cola Enterprises. While he considers lots of things to be glass balls and only work to be a rubber ball, the point is that when it comes down to it, some things are far more important in the long run than others.
Most of this week I’ve been really distracted. We started with Monday being a holiday which always throws me off balance. Usually Monday is my most productive day, but shifting my Monday work to Tuesday just feels wrong. Then, on Tuesday, we had the doom storm of death literally blow across the valley and rip out massive trees and power lines in its wake. Wednesday I embarked on a new endeavor, and new always causes anxiety regardless of how great the opportunity is.
The image of holding that glass ball and keeping it from falling served as a great anchor, even when things felt crazy.
Any one want one of my rubber balls? It seems I have waaaay too many.
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This is my non-fiction pick for the quarter and it definitely met expectations. It seems that for many, doing more and being increasingly busy is a fail proof way to find success. The ideas inside this book argue that this philosophy is not only wrong, but it can actually prevent success. It comes down to a forest and trees problem. If you are too caught up in the trees, meaning meaningless or unproductive tasks, it’s all too easy to not see the forest, or the big picture. For someone who constantly feels that push to do more, this is a welcome message.
What is Essentialism?
Put simply, essentialism is a conscious effort to pare down efforts and activities so that you spend your energy only on projects that are meaningful and help make progress towards a goal. This means only taking on projects and assignments that make sense for you both personally and career wise.
Mckeown uses the example of life being like a well-organized closet. When a closet is cluttered and full of clothes that we don’t love or don’t fit, it’s hard to make decisions on what to wear. It’s hard to find what we need. Facing that mess is daunting. To organize a closet that’s stuffed to the roof with needless items requires lots of decision making and time. Items that are no longer needed must be disposed of. This requires time and planning or they might end up in bags somewhere else, like the basement.
Once the closet is clean, it is so much easier to see what is available and what we need to replace. Less time is made daily on deciding what to wear leaving more time and energy for more important tasks. However, a system needs to be put in place to maintain this clean space or in a matter of months, the closet will be cluttered and need to be cleaned out again.
We must regard our lives much like a closet. If we know exactly what our style is, and what fits us, it’s easy to choose the outfits and activities that work for what we are trying to achieve. This is the same as making smart goals that are measurable and on a time table. If we don’t know what we are trying to achieve, then it’s impossible to decide what activities and efforts will get us there.
By learning what is essential for us personally, we can easier choose what we need to do, or need to say no to. Often saying no can be the hardest part. However, with time, being clear on your needs and being understanding of the needs of other can only garner more respect.
My Review
This was a timely message for me. I suffer from “got to do everything” syndrome and very rarely say no to projects unless it clearly doesn’t fit my schedule. Reading the different examples of successful people who employed these ideas helped reinforce the idea that more isn’t better and quality is always better than quantity.
The book is well written, insightful, and full of great examples. Like most non-fictions, it does tend to repeat itself to emphasize the main points and themes. This comes with the territory and is expected, so I can’t fault it. Since I was listening to the audiobook while doing mindless chores, the repetition was helpful.
Recommendations
For all of those overachievers out there who are killing themselves to get ahead, this is a must read. It teaches the importance of prioritizing efforts and being mindful of the big picture, which is extremely helpful for those who always find there is too much on their plate.
This book was intended for business people and those who are working to get ahead in their careers or entrepreneurial endeavors. Which means that those of us not working in a corporate atmosphere might not relate to the majority of the examples, myself included. I don’t work in a corporate environment, but I do manage lots of details and schedules and am working to elevate my writing career one task at a time.
This book might be super frustrating for those of us who can’t be in charge of their schedules and plans, such as full-time parents with young children and babies in the home. That said, there are some important ideas that are beneficial to them as well, such as finding mindfulness in each task and being present.
I give Essentialism 4/5 stars for reminding me that there is power in simplicity.
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I’ve taught a class about how to overcome creative roadblocks several times over the last few months. It’s become more and more relevant as the stresses of COVID and the political atmosphere have made creativity harder to find. The largest part of the class is learning to ask yourself questions and then allowing yourself to answer them honestly.
Questions have a power all on their own. They demand answers. Good questions lead to a greater understanding. Vague questions lead to more confusion. If you can learn the skill of asking yourself the right questions, you can solve a whole host of problems.
The other night I woke up to a panic attack. When it was happening, all I knew is that my mind was spinning and I couldn’t shake the feeling of being overwhelmed. It felt as if I had too many things on my plate and there was no possible way to get them all done. What was worse, it also felt as if there were invisible things on my plate that I needed to figure out, but no clues as to what they might be.
The attacks don’t happen often, thankfully. This one was caused by being overtired. The night before I hadn’t slept well because we were camping and I was too hot. Piled on top of that was the coming of another Monday and still not feeling confident about how online schooling was working for my kiddos and if they had the support they needed from me. I know the teachers are doing the best they can and I’m grateful for them. All I need now is for them all to agree to use the cool virtual teaching tools in roughly the same way so I can easily find what the assignments are and make sure they get done.
In a funny way, being part of online school has taught me far more about my kids personalities than anything else.
When these panic attacks strike, it’s time to start asking questions. What are my biggest worries? What of these worries can I do anything about? What of these worries can I let go of? What plans do I need to make to address the things I can change? What needs to be added to my to do list so I can stop trying to hold it in my head? What needs to change in my schedule to accommodate these needs that hasn’t already been added?
As the questions keep flowing, the answers start coming. I write down everything with the intention that no one will see these words besides myself. This writing is a tool, not a product. Once all the questions have been asked and answered and my pages are full, I know what direction I need to go.
There are still stresses, and if I don’t take better care of myself, there’s a chance of another attack in the near future. But, I have a plan in place and the confidence in knowing that the plan works.
Here’s to conquering each and every one of life’s challenges, both big and small.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Put down your pitchforks. I know Hamilton isn’t technically a TV review, it’s a musical theater review. Unlike a lot of people, I never had the chance to see it in a real theater. Watching it on Disney plus is the next best thing I could get my hands on. Did I miss out on the full experience, yes. Absolutely. Watching a recording of a stage production means that you miss the energy and vibrancy of a live performance. That, and it’s all too easy to watch the three plus hours in small chunks over the course of a week. Some of the experience is lost there as well.
But, now I can join the ranks of those who have seen the show. For that alone, it’s worth it.
About Hamilton
For those of you who have lived under a rock for the majority of the 2010s, Hamilton is a musical about the life of Alexander Hamilton, a impressive figure when it comes to the founding of the United States of America. Because it is history, I’m not going to worry about giving away spoilers at this point. I figured you had over 200 years, it’s fair.
We start the story with a young Hamilton trying his hardest to be the best he can be with his limited means. He’s ambitious and willing to do the work it takes to make a difference as the United States is taking shape and shaking off its ties to Britain. He meets Eliza, the woman who becomes his wife, and we see the conflict that causes in her older sister who is attracted to his drive and intelligence, not to mention his passion for the causes he chooses to support. We also see the beginning friction of his relationship with Aaron Burr as Hamilton is a man of action, and Burr prefers to wait.
The Revolutionary War is in full swing and America is doing poorly. They don’t have the supplies they need and enlist the help of France through the help of Lafayette. This leads directly to the victory at Georgetown and the end of the war.
King George isn’t amused.
The end of the war means nothing but work for Hamilton who puts his every waking hour into writing up documents and creating systems to enable the United States to finance her government and govern her people. Eliza goes upstate to be with family leaving Hamilton the time and space he needs. This leads him down the path into temptation and he finds himself in the arms of another woman who ends up blackmailing him to keep his infidelity secret.
Meanwhile, Burr is causing more friction by switching parties to defeat Eliza’s father, Philip Schuyler. France is experiencing its own revolution, and Jefferson champions the cause of America going to its aid. Hamilton advises neutrality and his argument wins which puts him under intense scrutiny. Jefferson, Madison, and Burr want to discredit him before Washington.
All of this leads to the publication of the Reynold’s document, written by Hamilton himself and detailing his affair and subsequent blackmail. He chose to come clean publicly to prove he didn’t misuse government money. This destroys him, his family, and leads to the death of his son in a duel gone wrong defending his father’s honor.
The last straw between Hamilton and Burr occurs after the election of 1800 when Hamilton endorses Jefferson over Burr. Burr demands a duel and the rest, well, is history.
My Review
I went into Hamilton not knowing what to expect. It is a musical that defies all expectations in so many aspects. When it comes to an American historical my first reaction is that it’s going to be just as exciting at the Hall of the Presidents exhibit at Disneyland, meaning not exciting at all. To counteract this, Hamilton was written for today’s young people. The music is fast and clever, lots of rap and hip hop music, lots of very contemporary humor.
That said, after watching the first 45 minutes I wasn’t sure what all the fuss was about. Sure it was interesting, but at that point it wasn’t that interesting. Most of the music up to that point wasn’t memorable with perhaps the exception of Hamilton’s own iconic song that defines his character, “I’m not giving away my shot.”
What caught my attention was the use of choreography and dancers. In many musicals the dancers feel like a nice layer of frosting, coming in and out only when a point needs to be made. However, in Hamilton, they are actively used to not only add interest and dimension to what’s happening in the spotlight, but to also illustrate concepts that are hard to catch on stage, such as the path of a single bullet.
In contrast to the first 45 minutes, the last 45 minutes nearly ripped my heart out. We are confronted with tragedy after tragedy. Hamilton admits to is indiscretions and nearly loses the love of his life as a consequence as we watch her take all of his letters and burns them. His son dies after being shot in a duel to defend his honor. And the culminating blow, Hamilton himself knowing he is going to die and confronting each of his decisions and wonders if he made any difference.
It’s at times like these that I’m glad I watched this in the dark comfort of my own home. Lots of tears shed.
Considering everything, Hamilton is every bit of the success it has gained. There is a huge emotional payout, a mother load of talent, and in the end several catchy songs that stick in your head.
Recommendations
While this is intended for today’s audience and has plenty of pop culture influences to make it fun to watch, it does have a few mature elements that I’d blush to share with my kids. They don’t shy back from relating the tale of Hamilton’s infidelity, in song no less. That, and the subject matter itself is complicated enough that even I struggled to keep track of who was doing what and why.
However, I think that all high school students should watch it so they have a better understanding of what the Revolutionary war and our cry for independence meant for the people who lived it.
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It’s that time of year again, school time. For many of us that means wistfully thinking of our own school days of the past. For the rest of us, it means getting kiddos up and out the door as they embark on their own adventures of discovery and learning. Whichever way it is, let’s send them off with an empowering saying or two, or five.
I’m not going to school just for the academics. I wanted to share ideas, and be around people who are passionate about learning.
Emma Watson
Intelligence plus character – that is the true goal of education.
Martin Luther King Jr.
You learn something every day if you pay attention.
Ray LeBlond
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
Eleanor Roosevelt
Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself.
John Dewey
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For the past year and a half, I’ve been sharing my store of motherly wit and wisdom with a group of women who affectionately call themselves the Strong Moms. These posts go out once a week under the wide umbrella of “Strong Mom Tips” and are usually focused on good psychological advice ranging from productivity, to health, to anger management.
Recently the Strong Moms have started their own website, specifically made to contain all the awesomeness of the best of their posts, mine included. If you’re a mom who needs a lift and would like a friendly place to go for a virtual hug, the Strong Moms site has all the warmth and love of a chocolate chip cookie still gooey from the oven.
The last few weeks I’ve sharing several different ideas that are important to me, especially as we enter school season once again. The first demonstrates the importance of stepping back and letting our kids learn to entertain themselves from a young age to help them learn self sufficiency and independence. Another post explores the psychology behind finishing the goals we start, even if it doesn’t turn out the way we expect.
A few of the other articles that have recently been posted on the blog include a beautiful piece one called “Becoming” which explores how we can shape our experience through the power of our thought patterns. Another discusses the very practical issue of when one should consider supplementing an infants feeding with formula.
With new articles being posted daily, there’s always something new. You’re sure to find a helpful article, and inspirational story, or a shared experience to make you laugh.
Thank you dear reader for stopping by! If you’d like to be notified of future posts here at JodiLMilner.com, be sure to ‘subscribe’ using the handy links. Or, even better, sign up to be part of my mailing list and get a signup bonus of one of my short stories for free.
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Last week I talked about how I had gotten myself stuck in a story problem and hadn’t managed to navigate my way out of it. This isn’t some remedial math course, honestly actual math problems are so much easier. All the information is there, you just have to figure out how the pieces fit together to find the answer.
No, this was an entirely different kind of story problem. One that had an actual story broken in the middle of it. In the past, I’d keep writing scenes until something worked. The action of putting words on the page often loosens up the creativity enough for a great idea to fall out. But considering where my anxiety and stress levels have been these past few weeks, not only does that option seem tedious and time wasting, I simply don’t have the energy to play with ideas and scenes that I will probably have to throw away.
I had a wall. How do we get over walls? We build ladders.
When we can’t build a ladder, we break out the sledgehamers.
Whatever you do, don’t take a sledgehammer to your ladder. That really doesn’t help.
As the week kept trickling by, and I knew I would have to be accountable to you dear people, I knuckled down and got to work – yesterday. I lined up all the loose ends, teased out the biggest issues, and tackled the dragon that was holding my ending hostage. After all of that, I’m proud to say I now have a direction to follow, and several burns and scratches that probably need some attention.
So yeah, I could still use some ice cream, and maybe a band-aid or two.
Now the real work of getting the thing written can begin. Yay?
Could someone tell the dragon that I’m out of treats and he needs to go home?
I’ll admit I had some huge reservations about this new chapter in the Star Trek universe. Picard has always been my captain. The Next Generation was the Star Trek I grew up with. I had so many expectations that it would take nothing short of a minor miracle to fulfill them all.
Good thing I believe in miracles.
The Story
Time has passed since Captain, now Admiral, Picard has commanded the U.S.S. Enterprise. He’s retired and doing the thing he always envisioned he’d do, managing the Chateau Picard vinyard in La Barre, France.
And he’s bored.
He left active duty with the Federation with a bad taste in his mouth. One of his last efforts as Admiral blew up in his face when the Federation didn’t give him the support he needed. The resulting deaths still haunt him.
So when a mystery falls into his lap, he’s not only intrigued, he feels obligated to act. Back during the events of Nemesis, his dear friend, Lieutenant Commander Data, sacrificed himself to save Picard. This new mystery is linked directly to some of the more mysterious parts of Data’s past, namely where he came from and who created him.
If he can solve the mystery, he will not only save the lives of hundreds, if not thousands, but he might also find resolution over the death of his friend.
My Review
As with any long standing science fiction universe, you can expect the story to be complex and nuanced. There are several planets, species, cultures, and goals all colliding with each other. Add to this the emotional motivations of each playing character, of which there are many, and that’s a lot of information to track.
The writers handled this challenge well. They avoided the common pitfall of using massive info dumps, instead choosing to carefully present information one crucial parcel at a time. For me, it was not unlike putting together a jigsaw puzzle without being able to reference the picture. I enjoyed the challenge, but it was too complex for my teenager (and too mature for the younger kiddos).
From the acting, to the effects, to the writing and dialogue, Picard delivers everything a true TNG fan could ever hope for. We have so many of our favorite elements coming into play. There’s the Borg collective, the friction with the Romulan Empire, Picard’s past as Locutus, and diving deep into the concept of synthetic life and what it means to be alive.
There are also plenty of other elements that come into play to add extra spice, such as using a non federation ship and seeing what happens when Picard must step outside the rules. One of my all time favorite Voyager characters, Seven of Nine, falls into the story in a way that’s both true to her character and essential to the plot. Win.
I can’t wait to see what direction they take as the story continues to unfold. As for me, I’m thrilled with the story so far.
I got my minor miracle.
Recommendations
This is a more mature Star Trek and definitely not for younger viewers. I recommend viewers be at least high school age considering some of the themes and situations. While the use of coarse language is fairly minimal, it’s still there as well as casual intimacy, graphic violence, and intense scenes.
If you loved TNG, and are okay with an increase in the intensity, you’ll love it. Easy as that.
However, if you’ve never been into Star Trek and want to start, this isn’t a good place to do so. There’s a lot of history behind many key characters that will be lost on you. The show might still be enjoyable, but I think you’ll miss out on many of the emotional notes.
I give Picard a rare and shining 5/5 stars for the amazing work that went into the story telling and all the emotional punches.
Thank you dear reader for stopping by! If you’d like to be notified of future posts here at JodiLMilner.com, be sure to ‘subscribe’ using the handy links. Or, even better, sign up to be part of my mailing list and get a signup bonus of one of my short stories for free.
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This has been the slowest most frustrating summer–ever. Each day feels far too long and yet nothing really gets done. Things that do manage to get done don’t stay done for long. Don’t get me started on how I feel about the laundry or the wicked carnival ride of perpetual feeding and kitchen cleaning. I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way.
When it feels hard to even get the basics done, it puts long scope projects in a particularly difficult category. They are always there, but since they aren’t immediately rewarding to work on it’s just so easy to let days and weeks slide past while other more urgent tasks fill up the space.
This challenge gets even worse when you’ve run up against a mental wall. Something is broken in the project and no progress can be made until it is fixed. Now, not only is the work not rewarding, but it’s downright frustrating. Add that to being stressed out about how to handle all the everything that 2020 is shaping up to be and guess what’s not being worked on even more. Yep, that long scope project.
This is where the time problem sets in. The reason these projects take a long time is that there is a heck ton of work that needs to be done, not all of it consisting of getting the actual words of the story onto the page. Needing two months to do a project and then putting it aside for a week here and there means the deadline is going to smack you straight in the forehead as it whizzes by.
And this is where I’m stuck. I hit a wall with a project I was terribly excited about at the beginning of the summer. The problem? I realized I didn’t know what the story was actually about. Without this critical marker, the prose had started to wander into uncharted territory on its own. I’ve done this mistake before. It means lots of painful rewriting later should it get out of hand. Which in turn takes longer, which means that deadline is going to be even harder to meet.
The good thing about walls is that they are only a barrier if you let them stay. This particular wall isn’t terribly large or even daunting, it’s just there being all wall like and stubborn. I know what needs to be done to fix the story problem and it’s not even all that hard. I’m ready to knock a great big hole in this wall, just as soon as I find the last box of Girl Scout cookies hiding in the bottom of my freezer. And finish the laundry. And perhaps weed the garden.
Gah! Okay. Should the wall still be there by the time I check in next week, send in reinforcements.
And ice cream.
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I have a love hate relationship with Neil Gaiman’s writings. I love how he uses language to create an otherworldly sense of place and characters that are always far more than what’s happening on the page. But, many of his writings do nothing for me. With each new book, I start reading with the hope that this one will scratch my Gaiman itch. Sometimes those hopes are dashed.
So it was with reluctance that I picked up this collection of his shorter works. With so many different offerings, I knew there would be several I would truly enjoy and then there would be others that I probably wouldn’t like at all. And.. I was right.
This is also why it’s taken me the better part of a year to finish reading all of them. After each disappointment I’d put the book down as if I were punishing it. When enough time had passed, I’d pick it up and give the next story a try.
A sampling of my favorites
Instructions
This poem holds tiny pieces of other stories I have grown to love. There is an element of mystery and whimsy as the poet instructs the reader along a cryptic journey giving very specific instructions that feel as if they are meant to either enchant the reader or keep them from harm. The further into the poem the reader ventures, the deeper they find themselves in a wondrous land of fairy tale and magic.
As with many profound tales, this poem wanders itself into a circle and the reader finds themselves back where they started, only changed.
Goliath
I feel this story is inspired by the Matrix, but one that feels more faithful to how being a consciousness living in the confines of a computer program might work. Our main character is literally larger than life, a Goliath of a man. Throughout his life, he experiences odd shifts where he knows something has changed, but he can’t quite put his finger on it. With each shift, he becomes more convinced that his life is nothing more than a sham covering up something much deeper and darker than he can imagine.
When the truth comes for him, he’s ready to face what real life looks like and take up the duties he has been training for since his “life” began.
Sunbird
As someone who loves experiencing culture through food, this tale of rare Epicurean delights was as fascinating as it was delicious. The aptly named Epicurian Club has set out to consume the world’s rarest delights, ranging from extinct species to all the different beetles of the world. They go to great lengths to challenge their tastes and stretch their palates. When the mention of the rare and exquisite sunbird piques their attention, they make plans to travel to Egypt to try it. Needless to say, the so called sunbird has a few mythical qualities of its own that makes this story even more delectable.
My Review
This isn’t the easiest book to simply sit down and read through. As with many Gaiman stories, the enjoyment of reading comes from paying attention to all the subtle details that rise to the surface or are brushed past in the narrative. This level of reading intensity makes it hard to find uninterrupted time to enjoy each work the way it was intended to be read, that is, slowly and with attention to detail.
Personally, now that I’ve read Gaiman’s shorter works, I can see why I favor his novel length stories better. If I’m going to invest that kind of time and attention to a story, I want to experience it for a long time and dive deeply into these characters and conflicts. There is always so much going on that it feels like the shorter works don’t do these stories justice.
Recommendations
If you love a story that stretches your thinking and challenges reality, you’ll find several works in this collection that will fill that need. While these all are speculative fiction, they swing back and forth from science fiction to fantasy, often capturing elements of both in tandem. There’s also a healthy dash of elements of folklore stirred in for even more depth.
However, this isn’t for light reading by any stretch of the imagination. Nor is it a book for younger readers as the subject matter tends to dive into deeper topics and there is coarse language and graphic descriptions.
While in the end I’m glad I gave the collection a try, I would be hard pressed to recommend it to anyone but those who already like Neil Gaiman’s writings.
I give Neil Gaiman’s Fragile Things 3 out of 5 stars for stretching my thinking but not scratching my literary itch.
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